Little Red Riding Bombi
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: Ahah! Another crazy fic by the one and only! CT!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEE R/R!!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer - I own CATS.. No really! I do. didn't think you would believe me. Nah.. This stuff belongs to RUG and Andy Lloyd Webber and a whole lotta other people. This is written for fans and not to make money. But anyone wishing to send me money please do.. At the moment I got em.. $5 and 45 cents. (America = $2.23)  
  
OOHH!!! MAJOR SPOOOOOFFFF ALERT!!!! I'm in a reaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyy sillly moooooddd tooday!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAYYY. Now all I need is a serious idea to turn into a wonderfully funny story! I know!!! We'll do that terrifically wonderful story that everyone knows!!!  
  
Ok so onto the story......  
  
CT - Okay everyone! It's me again! This time we are going to do a play for the kittens!!  
  
Kittens - YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!! (running around her happy that they don't have to do anything like what happened last time..)  
  
(Collective groan runs through the crowd of older cats that are in front of her)  
  
CT - Well! That wasn't very nice! I know how much you loved my last story!  
  
(Everyone grimaces except for Rumple and Mungo who in the last story stayed pretty well in one piece.)  
  
CT - CAST LIST!!!!  
  
CAST LIST FOR Little Red Riding Bombi  
  
LRRB - Bombalurina.  
  
Narrator - Tugger  
  
Mother - Munkustrap  
  
Father - Mungojerrie  
  
Grandmother - Rumpleteazer  
  
Shopping Mother - Jellylorum  
  
Shopping mother's Children - Tantomile, Asparagus, Alonzo, Demeter  
  
Wolf/Sleazy shopping assistant - Quaxo/Misto (note for readers: He will be known as Misto k?)  
  
Huntsman - Coricopat  
  
CT - (To herself on the other side of the room to the cast list) Now I made the mistake of asking if there were any problems last time. I won't do that again.  
  
Munku - Oh bloody hell. (Stomping over to CT) Do you think it's funny to make me the female in every one of your stupid plays! Do you think I like it! WELL I'LL TELL YOU NOW!!! I HATTTTTTTTEEEE ITTT!!!!!  
  
CT - Well, I can't really break with tradition can I? Every play that I've ever read you've been a cross dresser so I assumed that you liked it or something...  
  
Munku - I'm never going to live this down! The toms are still calling me Ms Mousie from the last one!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Disappears shaking his paws in frustration) (Read Tantolina to understand about Ms Mousie)  
  
Bombi - (Storming over to CT) WHAT IS THIS!!!!! I REFUSE TO PLAY A.. A.. WHATEVER THAT IS!!!!!!!!!!!! (pointing to a fairy tale book in CT lap.)  
  
CT - Well.. If you don't play her I can tell everyone what really happened to Tugger's old belt. (grinning slightly)  
  
Bombi - (blushing and lowering voice) fine then! But. but.. I will not.. swoon over anything or any other crap like that! You hear me!!!  
  
Jenny - (Joining them) Now CT I hope there will be no swearing in this play as it is for the kittens. (Said in a warning voice.)  
  
CT - Yes Jenny. DO YOU HEAR THAT YOU LOT!! (yelling to the cast) NO SWEARING!! (They all join her) So lets get this show on the road!  
  
Tugger - (under his breath to the other toms) yeah. that's where it belongs! Under the tyres of a pick up truck all mangled and smushed up.. (they snigger)  
  
CT - I have chosen to ignore that comment. But! We need our narrator.  
  
Tugger - (walks over muttering curses under his breath) Why am I the narrator? Last time you had me in a straight jacket if I remember correctly?  
  
CT - I thought this would be the way to keep you out of trouble and away from PESKY toms (Raising her eyebrows and looking over to the gang of toms who whistle and look in different directions.) who make you make smart stupid comments.  
  
Tugger - So you admit I'm smart?  
  
CT - Just get to your spot on stage! (pointing)  
  
Tugger - I expect there is something comfortable for me to sit on! (extending his hand to where CT is pointing.)  
  
CT - You can sit on your thumb for all I care. But here you go. a nice satin pillow. (pulls something out of her bag.) NOW start Tugger!  
  
Tugger - Whatever. There once lived a queen who's name was HAH HAH!! Little Red Riding Bombi! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.. She was nicknamed that because of the happenings on her third birthday.  
  
Munku - (Appears in an Elizabethan type dress with all the jewelry and trimmings. Once again sniggering is heard from the wings)  
  
Tugger - Good on you Munky boy! Or is that Munky Girl? (All the kittens crack up)  
  
Munku - Shut up tugger or I swear you'll never live another day!  
  
Tugger - Whatever. Get on with your part!  
  
Munku - Who died and made you king!  
  
CT - Guys! Munku! Move it!  
  
Munku - Fine! Oh! It's our dear little daughter's birthday! My husband..  
  
Mungo - (Enter Mungo in a suit much like Robin Hood's with the tights and all) Heya everyone! Oi'm the father! (kitten's look a bit confused but get over it quickly enough.)  
  
Teaze - I though' 'e woz moi ma'e?  
  
CT - This is a story! How dense! Get on with it! (under her breath) why do I even bother to try! I always end up saying get on with it!! Ahhhh...  
  
Munku - And he has a beautiful gift for you.  
  
Bombi - Ooh Aah.. What is it Mother?  
  
Munku - (gives her a parcel) Well dear open it up and you'll find out.  
  
Bombi - (Said with not an ounce of excitement in her voice) Ooh. I'm so excited.  
  
Mungo - That's my girl!  
  
Bombi - Shut up.  
  
Mungo - Ok.  
  
Tugger - As she opened the gift she found a beautiful coat that was all red. She put the coat on. (Bombi puts the coat on. It is one of the old ones that admirals wear when they are at sea.) She wore it every day. So from then on she was known as:  
  
Whole Cast - Little Red Riding Bombi.  
  
Electra - Excuse me CT?  
  
CT - Yeah?  
  
Electra - Why is she called Little Red RIDING Bombi? She never rides anything so I don't gettit.  
  
CT - You know what? You're absolutely right! ASPARAGUS!  
  
Asparagus - Yeah?  
  
CT - You're still in charge of costumes and that type of stuff. Find me a hobby horse.  
  
Asparagus - Alright. (He goes of into the wings.) (from the wings we here:) Oh blast. MUNGOJERRIE! You have got to move these things that you nicked from Mrs Fratuloptarista last week! I just tripped over them!  
  
Teazer - But we haven't got anywhere else to put them!  
  
Asparagus - Bloody kleptomaniacs.. Ahhhh here we go. (He reappears.) I'm sorry CT I couldn't find you a hobby horse but I found you this. (Holding up another *item* for everyone to see)  
  
Bombi - Oh no! There is no way you are getting me on a duck! I mean who ever heard of it! A duck. A cat on a duck! No I won't do it! I won..  
  
CT to Jenny - Does she ever shut up?  
  
Jenny - Nope.  
  
Bombi - I can't believe you want me on that!!!!!! AHHHHHH...  
  
CT - When you're quite ready!! (Glares at Bombi which makes her shut up.)  
  
Bombi - This is an utter outrage... I hate you sooooooooo much. (After all that though she still gets on the duck, much to the kits' delight.)  
  
Tugger - Now Duckqueen's Grannie..  
  
Bombi - I'm sitting on a duck, playing a little girl in some crap fairy tale and I have a pirate coat on DON'T MESS WITH ME EGOTISTIC BOY!  
  
Tugger - (feeling a bit frightened of the now enraged queen) Okay. sorry. Anyway, her mother came to her one day and said:  
  
Munku - I want you to take this basket of cakes and honey to your grandma. And be back in time for dinner or your life won't be worth livin!  
  
Tugger - Ok-a-y someone needs to work on his acting a bit.  
  
Everyone - Shut up!  
  
Munku - Go straight to Granny's and don't speak to any strangers on the way. DO NOT stray from the path or the evil wolf will getya! (Kittens all scream in terror.)  
  
Tugger - Little Red Riding Bombi promised to do as she told. Little did Mousie. erm. Munku .. (Picking up a script) Ah.. HER MOTHER know that she had her fingers crossed behind her back. Her grannie lived on the other side of the forest. Hold on. THE forest? It's not like there is only one forest in the world is it? I didn't think so, so lets say Grannie lived on the other side of a shopping mall..  
  
CT - Oh whatever (banging her head on the wall) get on with it!!!!  
  
Tugger - So she went skipping down the road until she came to the doors of the shopping centre (mall in America but hell. I'm an Aussie! So it's Centre). She was a bit nervous but after seeing the budget price of catnip in the pet shop window she was inside in a jiffy. She started shopping through out the centre. Meanwhile her mother was:  
  
Munku - Where the *beeeeeeeep* is my VISA???????? (credit card ppls). Hey! Where did the *beeeeeeeep* come from?  
  
Jenny - Just to make sure there is no swearing in front of the kids. (smiling sweetly)  
  
Tugger - Whatever. So Little Red Riding Bombi was in the shopping centre with mummy's credit card and was searching around for something to spend up big on when she came across a sleazy shop assistant.  
  
Misto - (enter Misto wearing a tweed jacket with tails and a strange looking boater [for anyone who doesn't know what a boater is go and look at the Knox Boys' hats *giggle*. In other words it's a rigid straw hat that's flat on top] and brown spats) D-d-doo I haaaafta-d-do this??  
  
CT - YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!  
  
Misto - Whh-h-hyyy??  
  
CT - Because you do!!!!!!  
  
Misto - O-o-kk... H-hheeellloo Little R-r-reeed Ri-ii-ddd-iinngg Boombi..  
  
Tugger - Boombi? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!  
  
Bombi - (Moves over to where Tugger is sitting and unsheaths a claw at his throat.) I swear buddy...  
  
Jenny - (Quickly moving on stage and closing the curtains.) AND THAT is the end of the first act Kitties!! CT will take you outside and play with you until we can erm get Bombi away from Tugger's throat... hmmmmm.. GO CT!!! Occupy theM!!!!!! NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!  
  
~END ACT ONE~  
  
^_~ Not to bad was it?? Considering how much of a stupid mood I've been in recently!! 


	2. Part two of this insane madness!

Disclaimers on part one..  
  
Here we go everyone! Part two!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!  
  
LITTLE RED RIDING (ON A DUCK) BOMBI PART TWO!! ~~ !!  
  
Bombi - Oh god. she's still completely Hyper... dear lord here we go..  
  
(Kittens are returned to the hall and are waiting patiently for the next scene to come on.)  
  
(Enter Tugger with a heap of band aids all over himself and his left arm in a sling)  
  
Etcetera - SQUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Tugger!!! Over here!! Hey? What happened to Tugger?  
  
Victoria - Gosh. you really are braindead aren't you?  
  
Etcetera - What's braindead?  
  
Jenny - Never mind dear.. Victoria. don't scare her like that!  
  
Viccy - Sorry..  
  
CT - And now! Onto act two!!!!  
  
Tugger - To sum up the story Little Red Riding Bombi is in a supermarket being hounded by an annoying little shop assistant.  
  
Misto - I'm not little.. I'm er. I'm ahhhemm.. Vertically challenged..  
  
Tugger - Whatever. C'mon Misto! It's your line..  
  
Misto - Oh. yeah. Erm. Little Red Riding Bombi. what are youuu ddoing in-n a shoppin-ng cenn-tt-re all bby youursell-f?  
  
Bombi - (In a swishy kiddy voice) I'm going to Grannie's house on the other side of the supermarket.  
  
Jelly - Little Red Riding Bombi! I thought you knew better than to talk to strangers!! (Puts on a cheesy voice and starts talking to the kittens) I hope you little ones know not to talk to strangers as they may not be very nice they may turn out to be..  
  
Demeter - MACAVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mac - What? I just wanted to know why I never get a part in your plays CT? Just because I'm the typical bad guy doesn't mean I don't have feelings to you know! You have deeply...  
  
Tugger - Oh go get high on some catnip you *BBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP*  
  
Jenny - Tugger!!! I'm surprised at you!!!  
  
Tugger - Meh. big deal.  
  
Mac - Hey? CT? Tugger? What about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?????  
  
CT - What about you???????????  
  
Mac - WHY DON'T I GET A PART????????????  
  
CT - Because I SAID SO!!! NOW GO AND SIT WITH THE KITTENS BEFORE I DO SOMETHING RATHER UNPLEASANT TO YOU WITH THIS BALLPOINT PEN!!!! (All the cats quake with fear. Macavity sits down with the kittens and hides behind Victoria who takes pity on him and puts a paw around his head)  
  
Tugger - Wooooooaaaaaaaaahhhh!! CT that was pretty coooooolll!!!  
  
CT - Get on with the story NOW!!!!!  
  
Tugger - Okay! Okay!! Don't get your tail in a knot! The shopping mother steered Little Red Riding Bomba away from the sleazy salesman and over to her kids. All of which were very spoilt.  
  
Jelly - Bombi? I was wondering if you could look after my kiddies for me while I go and buy them a treat? I'll give you ten dollars? (Aussie Dollars ppls. equiv to about 5 american at the moment.)  
  
Bombi - Welll..  
  
Tugger - She was thinking this over very hard..  
  
Jelly - Oh I knew you'd do it! Thankyou!  
  
Bombi - (Watches as Jelly leaves the stage and turns back to the four cats in front of her who are acting even worse than normal kittens.) I don't remember this being in the original do you? Tant? Gus? Lonzo? Demi? What the *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP* has gotten into you?  
  
Demeter - C-c-a-t---n---ii-pp hh-ii-gg-hhh.. -tt-hhhi-I-sss- I-sss h---o- ww CT m-a-d-e u-s- a- -cc-tt l-iiii-kkk-ee kkkkiii---t---ss... (translation: Catnip high.. this is how CT made us act like kits.)  
  
Bombi - Alright then.. CT!! I'm surprised at you! You know what Catnip does to adult cats!  
  
CT - Tell someone who gives a damn.. (pulling beanie down over eyes to hide the scene in front of her)  
  
Bombi - (reading from a script) Hmmmmm... I don't want to look after these kits so I should run all the way to Grannie's house! (Runs away from the rather 'stoned' cats who are then taken off stage by Skimbleshanks. Stage is now empty)  
  
Tugger - Little Red Riding Bombi suddenly realised the time and rushed to get to her Granny's house.  
  
Bombi - Oh dear.. Look at the time. I'd better rush to get to granny's!  
  
Mac - You don't say..  
  
Bombi - Shut up Maccy Boy! You can see what I did to Tugger! (He promptly shuts up)  
  
Tugger - So. after all that time. she finally reached her Granny's house. Little to her knowledge though the sleazy shop assistant had shoved her old grannie.  
  
Teaze - 'EY! 'ooo are you callin' old!  
  
Tugger - As I was saying.. Had put her Grannie in a cupboard (Misto shoves a slightly disgruntled Teazer into a box and sits on top of it.)  
  
Teaze - (Slightly muffled) Why the 'ell am oi stuc' in a box! Mungo! Ge' me ou''a 'ere!  
  
Misto - Shut up Teaze! You're ruining the play! (He grabs one of the dresses that was in the box and shoves it on)  
  
Tugger - Just then Little Red Riding Bombi came to the door.  
  
Bombi - Lemme in Granny!  
  
Misto - (In a high pitched voice) It's o-oopen dear!!  
  
Tugger - ooopen?  
  
Misto - SHUT UP TUGGER!!! Just because I get stage fright doesn't mean that you have to tease me about it!!!!!  
  
CT - (Taking beanie away from eyes) Please.. (begging) just get on with the *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP* play!!! And Jenny!!! Quit *bbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp* well beeeeppinngg all the time! It's driving me nuts!!!!!  
  
Jenny - Well! I know when I'm not appreciated! (storms out of the room)  
  
CT - Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaseee let this be a nightmare!  
  
Tugger - Bombi went inside to see her Granny.  
  
Bombi - I have a basket of stuff for you Granny!  
  
Misto - Oh joy. er I er mean Oh! How nice! (his stage fright seems to have cleared up)  
  
Bombi - But Grannie! What a strange hat you have on! (pointing to the tweed boater)  
  
Misto - All the better to keep the sun of my beautiful eyes! (fluttering eyelashes.  
  
Bombi - And what funny shoes you have on! (He is still on the basket and a funny half-strangled noise is coming from inside.)  
  
Misto - All the better to...  
  
Mungo - Ge' 'er ou''a there! She can' breaf!!! (Tries to punch Misto off the basket but misses and hits a prop in the back. This causes a domino effect and all props fall on Misto.) Awww bugger..  
  
Misto - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This is sooooooooo stuuuppiiid!! I'm splittin! See you all later! (He dissapears in a cloud of smoke)  
  
Mungo - Well that was. interesting.. (More spluttering is heard from the basket/box) Teaze! (He opens the box to find a perfectly fine Teazer.)  
  
Teaze - Well? 'Owdidja loike moi actin'?  
  
Mungo - (Rolls eyes but gives her a big hug anyway, glad to see that she's alright)  
  
Teazer - Well! If that's the way I get treated after a big performance sign me up for the next one!  
  
Bombi - There won't be a next one right CT?  
  
CT - Awwww.. I dunno.. I like writing these things and it's always rather funny to see Ms Mousie.. er I mean Munku dressed as a woman and Bombi doing something stupid..  
  
All cats - WE WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
(CT Faints)  
  
Tugger - Faints?  
  
CT - You gotta problem with that? (Waving a rather menacing looking ball point pen)  
  
Tugger - Nope. not a one!!! (Backing off slowly so as not to add to the rest of the battle scars. CT 're-faints'.) Well. I spose that's the end then.  
  
Cori - But I never got my big part?! Oh it's not fair!!! Why do I always miss out!!  
  
Jemima - Why do you always miss out! If I remember correctly you were a fairy prince in the last one while I was a 'swallooooow'. I didn't even get a line in this one!  
  
CT- (Awakening) What do you mean! You just said something!  
  
Jemi - Well, it wasn't as much as last time!  
  
Jelly - Now dears do calm down!!  
  
Mac - I wanna join the tribe again! Can I? Can I? Can I?  
  
Munku - (Still in Elizabethan dress) This is why we banished you in the first place! Your obsessive compulsive behavior!  
  
Tugger - Like you can talk Queen Elizabeth! You should be banished for being a cross dresser!  
  
Munku - I don't do this for fun you know!!  
  
Tugger - Yeah sure you don't and I'm Mary Queen of Scots!  
  
Etcetera - You are?  
  
Viccy - Told you she was brain dead.  
  
Jenny - Victoria! I've warned you already!!  
  
Viccy - Yeah yeah. sorry..  
  
Etcetera - What's brain dead?  
  
Demi - Oh go swoon over Tugger!  
  
Etcetera - Wowwe!! You are really smart!! What a good idea!! (Exit Etcetera)  
  
Bombi - Help me get out of this goddamn stupid bloody coat! Hey! I wasn't beeped!!  
  
Demi - (Helps her out of the coat) C'mon. Let's go. This is soooooooo dumb!  
  
Bombi - I totally agree!  
  
CT - Well Kits? Did you like it?  
  
Tumble - Heh. can you get Munku into a dress again?  
  
CT - I fully intend to in the very near future.  
  
Pounce - It was good. I liked it!  
  
CT - Wow! Positive feed back. I think I might die!  
  
Munku - Go on! No one would miss you..  
  
~Finis~  
  
  
  
Wow.. That was stupider than I thought it would be...  
  
Comments? Please Review it!! I am hyper no more.....  
  
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!~~~ Never believe an OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSON!!!!!!!!!! HE HE HE HE HEEEEEEE HEEEEE!!! 


End file.
